Remaining a believer!

I am a staunch believer of everything that is humane. I trust human emotions. I believe, it is because we get moved, we get going. 

It gives me immense pleasure to see a smiling baby in her mother's lap in the corner of a street. I smile all the way back from work. A face battling pain/tears never fails to bring tears in my eyes. I battle to send the tears back and walk on and murmur, "It will soon be better for you". When a thousand hands go up to the sky and say, "We would struggle/no matter what!" it still gives me goosebumps. A wonder thinking I have been part of rallies as long as I remember!  A lone voice of protest never fails to inspire me. It is the human spirit that keeps me going...always..everywhere..all the time!

On my way to office, on the bridge over Yamuna, I see a kid quite often. All dusty and full of mud.  "Can I give him a bath?" I think, almost instantly. He evokes a strange urge in me. I want to give him a good scrub. Then I smile at the ridiculousness of this thought and move on. At times we share a smile. As if he knows my wish and he also knows it can not get fulfilled.

In the course of Social Work, more than one and a half decade ago, we were taught not to get affected emotionally. "This clouds your reasoning", they said. It seems I was not a good student. Because here I am, a professional social worker who regularly gets angry with the situation at ground zero. While talking to the community, at times I am forced to turn my face or struggle hard to keep a straight one and distance myself and take a second or two to give a professional reply that would help. 

In a visit to Maharajganj, a district near Nepal border, women sat all around me and asked, "Didi, the men beat us up at home almost every evening. They say, they feed us therefore they can beat us too. Is there no recourse for us? Can we do nothing?" The woman in me wanted to shout, "Go in groups and beat the daylight out of those men. They will never ever dare to raise their eyes anymore." But I  swallowed hard. I took my time looking into the eyes of every woman present there, then started,  "Well! the law of the land says when there is this kind of domestic violence, the man should be behind bars for at  least 3 months. If family members are involved, they should be in the prison as well. However, when you want to take a step against your husband, is your call. You would have to stop believing it is okay to get beaten up. Take the first step and the other sisters will come along." 

Three years later, I heard another voice, from a woman in Ambedkar Nagar, which described the journey, "I asked him (the husband) that evening when he came back drunk, would he  like to think twice before raising his hand? Will he think first how many he wants to get a beating from? If I raise my voice a little, at least 25 will rush and if I raise it a little more, 50 would easily turn up. He knew I am serious about raising my voice. He also knew at least 50 women would turn up if not more. He stopped". She then added in a pensive voice, "He still drinks, Didi. However, he does not dare to raise his hands". I had a  lump in my throat. I faked a cough and continued. 

I take time out to convince myself. I think, I am an equally important piece of the development puzzle. I read, analyse and debate with a few colleagues before I go out to convince others. I was asking myself the other day, did getting emotionally affected ever affected my reasoning? Has it resulted in less than efficient programming? Has it resulted in below average facilitation in the field and with NGOs? I did not find an instance in which the passionate involvement in the issue has been a paralyzing factor for me. It has always helped me. And I have seen it helping fellow development sector friends too. I have seen it helping many of my successful colleagues.

It has always pushed us to do more, to burn that midnight oil, to find theory in support of the immensely successful work that is going on and then to go back again and do it better than ever. Sanjoy Ganguly, of Janasanskriti,the Centre for Theatre of the Oppressed (http://www.janasanskriti.org/), my mentor, says often, "Let your brain and heart work in consonance. Don't be empathetic. Be sympathetic. Think what would have been best for you in that situation. Accept no less for him/her."

Then the other day, I found another believer. A believer, better than me. Who despite personal tragedies, did not lose faith in the fellow human being. Beyond the race, religion, borders and political ideologies, he saw humanity as the greatest savior of all. Perhaps that's why his book is beyond the lines. So far human beings such as him are there, I get to hear an assuring voice in my head, "It is okay to be a believer" and what's more it is okay to not to be a cynical. Cynicism is not an essential ingredient in the recipe of successful career. We can do without it.