The other side of the story

I looked at Indira with disbelief! I was shocked but she actually managed to take a deep breath, wait for a few seconds to pass and talk in the same calm voice that she had, to begin with. I looked at the men again. I could not believe I was hearing this, “Women? Well! they are good for nothing now-a-days. They are only good at sleeping beneath fans. And what is this excessive laad (love) for one’s own body? They want to bathe with soap every time!” The men were indignant.  

This was in Ajmer district of Rajasthan. We were talking to a group of men in the evening near the village temple. Women could not join the meeting. Completely our fault! We organized it at a time when for the womenfolk it was time to cook and feed the whole family. Children were dozing already after a hard day of playing in the mud. The women would also get ready for the work in the fields at night alongside their men or make some extra arrangements of food and tea for workers in the field, which they would supply middle of the night. “Peelai” (irrigation) of the mustard fields was going on. It was mid-November. 

The men, mostly above 50 on the other hand sat around a fire and kept on talking about how vicious these women have become and how even the government is “patting both the cheeks”! How? We asked. Darhji (Elderly uncle) said, “Now see it yourself. They ask us to keep the girls at home till they are 18 and let them study. We do that. But, when these girls find a mate of their choice and try to run away should the government not help us? They should bring back the girls to us. Instead, they help these people get married in the Court! What kind of justice is this!” His indignant voice echoed in the silent village. So, what do you think about child marriage? “Well, he said, “It is good in a way and bad in a way too” What is so good about it? “Girls are married early and the parents then do not have to worry whether she will get pregnant or run away with a boy. When a girl is told from the very beginning about her husband she starts accepting him in her mind. It is much easier. Older girls have likes and dislikes”! (The hatred for the older girls could not be hidden anymore). With such strong arguments in favor of child marriage, I wondered what was good about marrying off a girl late! He responded quickly to my query, “kyunki raj boliyo se” (because the government says so)!! I looked at the only girl present in the gathering. All of 13, she was sitting there hugging herself, legs close to the chest. She was in 8^th standard. How long would she be allowed to continue?

These men dominate the Jati Panchayats (Caste congregations) in the area. The body that deals with cases of disputes in family and married couples. Women are not allowed here. They are not allowed to even represent their own cases as a victim. A male member from her family has to present her case. At the same time, no man below 50 is included in these caste congregations. We turned to the younger men gathered there. Are women really this bad? They don’t keep a tumbler of water for parents in law? Don't they care for household chores and even break legs of fathers-in-law, as reported by another man? Dinesh, in his 30s, said, “ What these elders are saying are true to some extent but how will one feel like keeping the water for these people when she is never called without an expletive added?” Elderly men sniggered at him! They said “Shut up now! It was us who knew how to keep women in control not like you guys...always moving about with wives everywhere”. 

They dismissed the meeting and stood up with support of their canes to reach home where their lazy, good for nothing, ignorant women-folk waited for them with a plate and a ablaze chullah. After all they all needed hot chapattis after this hot discussion!