Ladybug's field notes

I t is almost time to wrap the year! Although Instagram is offering a photo collage, have photos ever known the story as well as the words? For some may be yes! For me it's definitely a no! In 2022, the bright idea of making life a little more calm struck me and struck me hard! For years a dear friend had been suggesting me to create a physical distance from the people who clearly did not contribute to my mental peace, but I hesitated. It was too comfortable staying in the place I called mine. I stayed there for years. The familiarity was comforting even if not peaceful. In 2019, I almost thought of shifting to another locality after Gogol left for college, but decided against it as it was not really ticking the requirement of being physically far that way, and soon there was covid... In a nutshell,  finally  in 2022, I  started  claim ing  my calm. Well! Ahem! In instalments. .. I claimed  and reclaimed  my physical and mental boundary ​ this year​ .  ​Reclaimed because you need c

Although I so want to write about it, I really do not know what is a good starting point. Is it a good starting point to mention what I said to my therapist about my experience of 2020?  I said how it still scares me. I told a few days ago that I do not have the feeling of "Been there, done that". I do not have the feeling of "Bring it on! I have seen the worst and I am back!" No! I do not feel victorious. I do not feel like a phoenix. When you have an encounter with a wild animal and you are torn into pieces but you some how come out alive and take months/years to finally get back to living the rest of your life, do you think you now have seen it all and think, "Who cares if another tiger leaps at me from the next bush! I have seen it all!! I can get out of it alive again!!"? I doubt that. You probably are too thankful to be alive! You would do anything to avoid another incident like that.  Let me reiterate. Till now I never think, "I have come back