I learnt some important lessons on "sharing" in the year that passed by. Or you may say I made some conclusions (for the time being) on sharing. I am not promising that I have learnt from all those experiences but that does not stop me from sharing my new-found knowledge, right?
Why do we share? I don't know your answer but mine is because we can! Why did we share with you? Because you were present at that moment and we did not find it justified enough to discriminate against you (double wink)!
And I know, many can not. If you can not share, you have a valid reason to crib. It is indeed a problem. Are there trust issues? You can not make friends easily, may be because you are working in this shift of life with a "part-organ" called trust. This organ needs to be restored so that you start trusting and don't hurt other people with the sharp edges of this partly broken organ. Work on it as soon as possible and don't try to give hundred and one reason on why you can not, in your head. Trust me, when told in plain language and a loud voice, they sound ridiculous.
On an elaborate (perhaps, serious) note, many of us share because while sharing our inner voice tells us what to do with the problem we have. It is in the way we present them, we see how we can address them too. At times we also see how trivial they are. Sharing is a good thing, although many a times I am made to feel otherwise. :) You may think I am trying to promote my philosophy in life whereas trusting is often fraught with problems. I agree and I have faced them since childhood.
And I know, many can not. If you can not share, you have a valid reason to crib. It is indeed a problem. Are there trust issues? You can not make friends easily, may be because you are working in this shift of life with a "part-organ" called trust. This organ needs to be restored so that you start trusting and don't hurt other people with the sharp edges of this partly broken organ. Work on it as soon as possible and don't try to give hundred and one reason on why you can not, in your head. Trust me, when told in plain language and a loud voice, they sound ridiculous.
On an elaborate (perhaps, serious) note, many of us share because while sharing our inner voice tells us what to do with the problem we have. It is in the way we present them, we see how we can address them too. At times we also see how trivial they are. Sharing is a good thing, although many a times I am made to feel otherwise. :) You may think I am trying to promote my philosophy in life whereas trusting is often fraught with problems. I agree and I have faced them since childhood.
My cousin P was my childhood friend and he has betrayed me many times, and that too just for the fun of it. We often visited their house and our mothers chatted, while we played in their courtyard. I was about 12 and was just getting to know about the forbidden fruit called love and along came those three words "I love you!" On that day, I had to quickly make him swear that he would not share with anyone, and proceeded to tell him that one of my friends got to hear from a senior Dada (brother in Bengali, mostly neighbourhood boys) those three words (while blushing for the effect!). P's face changed the moment he could get the "secret" out of me and with an evil smile on his face he turned towards me and said, "See how I tell all these to your mother!" and ran towards the drawing room where the mothers were sitting. I just fell short of grabbing his feet to beg so that he did not, but he just ran to our mothers and blurted out the evidence of my blasphemy! I was crestfallen! My mother gave me one hard look. After that there were no games anymore that day. I just waited for us to get back home and my mother to give me some slaps for being so paka (know all at an early age), so that I could get on with life as usual.
Now, do I think P had a fair reason to not to trust anyone at that point in time? I think so. If you, yourself regularly give-in to your "sadistic pleasure-seeking self", you should probably not trust anyone. Did P trust people? I think he did. He was just a young immature boy who could not weigh the repercussion of such an act on certain occasions. After all these years, will he ask me not to trust people? I don't think so too. He remained my friend in spite of such indiscretion, once in a while. Many years later, when I came back from one of my travels abroad and told him that I felt I was deeply in love with an indigenous man from a faraway country, he did not divulge that secret to anyone. He helped me share my feelings with him, instead and helped me not feel guilty about them. (Don't get diverted here. This guy is not part of the current story. Neither real. Nor virtual).
Now, do I think P had a fair reason to not to trust anyone at that point in time? I think so. If you, yourself regularly give-in to your "sadistic pleasure-seeking self", you should probably not trust anyone. Did P trust people? I think he did. He was just a young immature boy who could not weigh the repercussion of such an act on certain occasions. After all these years, will he ask me not to trust people? I don't think so too. He remained my friend in spite of such indiscretion, once in a while. Many years later, when I came back from one of my travels abroad and told him that I felt I was deeply in love with an indigenous man from a faraway country, he did not divulge that secret to anyone. He helped me share my feelings with him, instead and helped me not feel guilty about them. (Don't get diverted here. This guy is not part of the current story. Neither real. Nor virtual).
The person who has tested my trustworthiness the most, is my younger sister. And she should have the final word on how I fared, but I contained quite a lot of what she passed on to me. And she did the same for me while growing up. We therefore, share a strong bond. Although the fact that she keeps an eye on me is very inconvenient at times, because I know even if I deny something, she would know the truth, instinctively. I can tell you it is no fun talking to her anymore! She already knows what I am talking about. It seems I just confirm what she knew all along.
However, the person who knows most about me is a friend. I often tell her she can be my biographer, if I die early. I never had to think who she would share my secrets with. She cared for me too much. That brings me to the point of why (or why all) one may feel like divulging other people's secrets. It mostly happens when you fail to empathise. And if you fail to empathise with other human beings, you have a problem. Seek help. However, you also share other people's information under three other different circumstances. One, if it helps you to prove a point, two, to gain some more information in the bargain, that is more important to you, and/or three, to gain access to a person who is more important to you than the person who has shared the information. However, all the three mentioned stems from your inability to empathise. You also share information under another circumstances, that is for purely academic and training/facilitation purpose. The subject is not mentioned then and the identity is closely guarded.
Therefore in a way, last year I re-learnt some of the things about sharing that I knew all along. The common threads I could draw were new. We all know, people hear what they want to. There is nothing new in it. They hear their interpretation of the scenario. No wonder we all react differently. Although you are sharing what you have gone through, at times some of them quickly project themselves on the "other person" of the story and starts a battle that they have left unfinished many years ago in their own lives. They use phrases from your shared experiences as "quotable quotes" indiscriminately, ad nauseam! I regret sharing my hurt with people who were still hurt about something else, which had nothing to do with me. Who were never cured. Never healed. Who never wanted to get healed. Who never sought treatment of their broken organs and kept pricking others with them. May be you will end up in these situations if you like to share when you are at your vulnerable worst and your judgments about needs of other people are low. Come on now Ms Ladybug! Admit it! because you were neck deep in your s!@*% and could not put others before you, you failed to identify the broken organ, you vulnerable woman!
However, the person who knows most about me is a friend. I often tell her she can be my biographer, if I die early. I never had to think who she would share my secrets with. She cared for me too much. That brings me to the point of why (or why all) one may feel like divulging other people's secrets. It mostly happens when you fail to empathise. And if you fail to empathise with other human beings, you have a problem. Seek help. However, you also share other people's information under three other different circumstances. One, if it helps you to prove a point, two, to gain some more information in the bargain, that is more important to you, and/or three, to gain access to a person who is more important to you than the person who has shared the information. However, all the three mentioned stems from your inability to empathise. You also share information under another circumstances, that is for purely academic and training/facilitation purpose. The subject is not mentioned then and the identity is closely guarded.
Therefore in a way, last year I re-learnt some of the things about sharing that I knew all along. The common threads I could draw were new. We all know, people hear what they want to. There is nothing new in it. They hear their interpretation of the scenario. No wonder we all react differently. Although you are sharing what you have gone through, at times some of them quickly project themselves on the "other person" of the story and starts a battle that they have left unfinished many years ago in their own lives. They use phrases from your shared experiences as "quotable quotes" indiscriminately, ad nauseam! I regret sharing my hurt with people who were still hurt about something else, which had nothing to do with me. Who were never cured. Never healed. Who never wanted to get healed. Who never sought treatment of their broken organs and kept pricking others with them. May be you will end up in these situations if you like to share when you are at your vulnerable worst and your judgments about needs of other people are low. Come on now Ms Ladybug! Admit it! because you were neck deep in your s!@*% and could not put others before you, you failed to identify the broken organ, you vulnerable woman!
Why it does not scare me that people may share the information I share with them? In these 40 long years of existence I have realised, we all are much the same. Some of our stories can put a certain Miss Sunshine's (wink) films to shame. We all commit similar mistakes. We all trip on the same stones. We all drown where no one could think anyone would drown ever. Some of us just pay much more dearly than others. We often frown at the mistakes, that we ourselves have made only a few weeks ago. We fuss the most about them, actually. And when you know we do, it gives you the freedom to ignore all such comments from others. Only those have to worry, who try to show their lives are perfect.
You know that! At times, the fact is, I loved someone yesterday but can not today, and feel holier than cow about it, makes me worry that details of my "secret wooing efforts" will reach others' ears. And therefore, I jump at every opportunity to share a similar indiscretion by someone else. Or plant a story about that woman already. There is no end to where all we can go to malign others.
And, when any of the above happens to me, no, I will not take revenge. I don't believe in taking revenge. I don't believe in remembering hurt. I don't believe in tit for tat. I am too busy living. I am too busy making the next big blunder so that I can share it with you ;) My doors will be open for that person to come and stay even after he/she makes a serious lapse of judgment. I know he/she was just being human. And I don't know what's the fuss about never committing a mistake ever!
You know that! At times, the fact is, I loved someone yesterday but can not today, and feel holier than cow about it, makes me worry that details of my "secret wooing efforts" will reach others' ears. And therefore, I jump at every opportunity to share a similar indiscretion by someone else. Or plant a story about that woman already. There is no end to where all we can go to malign others.
And, when any of the above happens to me, no, I will not take revenge. I don't believe in taking revenge. I don't believe in remembering hurt. I don't believe in tit for tat. I am too busy living. I am too busy making the next big blunder so that I can share it with you ;) My doors will be open for that person to come and stay even after he/she makes a serious lapse of judgment. I know he/she was just being human. And I don't know what's the fuss about never committing a mistake ever!
Photo comment courtesy: Zen Pencils on Facebook
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